Focus fatigue

I hadn't realised it had been so long since my last entry. My last entry coincided with some health problems and then the rush to catch up on my assignments for uni as well as everything for school. I felt like I was trying to juggle a dozen balls at once - and I can't juggle!

I've spent the last week avoiding any work I need to do and contacting people I haven't seen since I began studying at the beginning of the year - trying to see everyone before Christmas. It'll be a busy and social couple of weeks. But it's not enough. I need to do something with my mind as well.

I've been thinking about 'focus' lately. What is it that allows people to focus on one thing exclusively and what is it that prevents some people focusing on anything at all. I've slipped into the latter in the last couple of weeks - pretty much since I submitted my last assignment for the year. I've written 1000 words for a chapter of the book I'm currently writing and haven't been able to think past that. I need to finish the chapter before tomorrow evening. I also have a journal article I need to write but my brain feels like it's fog-bound. All slushy and slow-wading.

And yet - I went for a job interview last week. I walked in feeling foggy and was given a scenario and 20 mins to respond to it. For that 20 minutes and the 1-1/2 hours of the interview, my brain worked at what felt like lightning speed. My solution was topical, relevant and organised. It dealt with the situation both linearly and laterally, viewing the situation from three different points of view. I could even put a time estimate on implementation. I walked out of the interview on a mental high. My brain had been exercised and I felt more awake than I had for most of the week.

But within an hour it was gone. I was back to the marshy fog, unable to focus on anything for more than a few minutes and that only partially. I've checked my diet - it has a huge influence on my moods. I've been eating lots of green leafy veges, lots of red and blue fruit and veges (good for concentration) and staying away from sugar (always makes me depressed). So that's not it.

Maybe I just have to force myself through it. Perhaps I should just treat it like a spider's web encountered on an evening walk and push through, wiping the sticky threads away as I go. I'll do that today, but first .... did I mention I'm a master procrastinator? .... I think I'll have a half-hour nap. I could always tell myself it's thinking time - an opportunity to get the next scene set in my mind so I can write it before lunch!

Plagiarism run rampant

I've just spent the last four weeks showing my year 9 SOSE class how to search on the internet, read the material and then write the important fact in their own words. At the end of that time they submitted a 400 word essay describing one aspect of the Middle Ages.

All but four students in the class submitted work that I subsequently found in toto on websites. They had simply copied and pasted, then presented the work as their own.

They didn't get it. Throughout the four weeks each and every student asked me why they can't just copy the material. It's on the web, available for everyone, so they can use it as they wish. Right? It's the same story with referencing.

It's demoralising. I feel like I've just wasted an entire month. Sure I might have got the message through to four students, but what about the other 26?

How can people honestly believe it's ok to say you did something when you didn't? Isn't it obvious that it's lying?

My philosophy of life

I was talking to a friend the other day and he asked me what my philosophy of life was. It was an interesting question because I don't think I've ever really taken the time to think about it in those terms before. My philosophy isn't something that is brought out to discuss at cocktail parties. I don't spend a lot of time questioning the meaning of life or asking myself what makes a good human being. I just live my life, trying not to waste those short precious moments on things that are pointless.

I have plans and goals and ideals but they aren't what my life is about. They're just a part of it. If that was all my life was about there wouldn't be much of a life, would there. I want to be able to get to the end of my life (hopefully with enough time to look back) and be able to look back and say:

1. I was a good human being - the best I could be at the time and in the circumstances
2. I enjoyed, if not every moment, then as many moments as I could find something enjoyable in (you'd be surprised how many of those there are)
3. I touched the lives of people who love me and, in turn, was touched by those I love.

I want to be able to leave a mark on my small part of the world. I don't have to be rich or famous to do that. All I have to do is live in the memories of those I've known, however fleetingly (the knowing and the memories). Perhaps some of those people will tell their children about some small thing I did or said that made their lives better and my impact will carry through a generation or two. Perhaps they will begin to live their lives a little more peacefully because of it. That is my dream.

Of course being rich and famous would have its benefits ... :)

So when my friend asked me about my philosophy I jotted down a few 'rules to live by'. Here they are here, with a few more added - just for luck. There's no order for priority - if there's a need, there's a rule. I make them up as I go. Being calm and happy with what I have is my goal.

Rule 1: Don't let yourself dwell too much on things that irritate you. If you do that, you'll start to slip into a depression and that's a horrid feeling.

Rule 2: Pick your arguments. I apply this to any situation. It could also be interpreted as 'don't sweat the little stuff'. Some things simply aren't worth getting angry or worried over. How important is it going to be in 5 years time? If it's not even going to be a memory, forget about arguing for it, let it go.

Rule 3: Focus on the little things in life - they're the ones that bring the most joy. They're also the things that keep life in perspective. An hour with my daughter, sitting quietly, is worth huge amounts of success at work. Going out to my garden every day and checking how big my tomatoes are - watching things grow regardless of the chaos society is in around them. What we do in life is often artificial and unimportant in the whole scheme of things. It's life, it's what we do, but it's not worth high blood pressure or heart disease.

Rule 4: Look at nature and see how it responds to things - a river particularly. A river will always get where it wants to go but it always takes the line of least resistance, winding around obstacles. Its focus doesn't change but it enjoys the views along the way. Since I realised this, I've stopped giving up on things. I don't care if it takes me a long time to achieve something I really want. If I want it badly enough, I'll do it - I'll find a way around the obstacles.

Rule 5: Help others wherever, whenever and in whatever way you can. That doesn't mean you have to be a hero. I'm a certified coward! I don't have what it takes to rescue people from a burning building or pull someone from a car accident. (I'm the one who always checks to make sure emergency services have been called and that 'someone' is looking after the people who need it.) But if someone asks for directions or if they just look like they need a smile, I offer it.

Rule 6: Appreciate others. I'm almost obsessive about making sure I thank anyone who does something nice for me. I smile, I gush, I tell their boss. It doesn't take long, it's not much effort, but it makes me - and them - feel so much better about the day. (I also tell people when I think they need to improve something, but that's for another blog, I think.)

Lack of pressure = disorganisation

I can't seem to organise myself unless I have deadlines looming. I've had 10 days break from work and haven't accomplished anything. I've read three books, spent five days visiting people I don't often see and that's about it.

The fence is still a pile of rubble although I have organised for a quote to be done tomorrow. My garden hasn't been watered in four days and is looking really sad. I have a scene for my book floating in my head and can't seem to make myself sit down and write it. I've done absolutely nothing for work. I still have reports to finish and filing to do and then preparation for all my subjects.

My deadline is 8am Tuesday, I'm going away for the weekend and I'm expecting visitors all day tomorrow. So, knowing I basically have one day to clean the house and one day to prepare for the next ten weeks, here I am, sitting here playing with a blog. How's that for procrastination.

In my defense, my busy times are so busy I don't have time for anything, so when I have 'down time' it's seriously DOWN.

I'd love to put everything off for another few days but by then I'll be back at work and the pressure will be on again. I'll better get something done today and work out what I'm baking to serve the visitors tomorrow.

The Aftermath

The period of time immediately following a time of great industry is always difficult isn't it?

I've finished all my assignments and have all but one of them back and I'm wandering around the house wondering what to do with my time. It's not as if I don't have anything to do.

• I have a stack of books I've been wanting to read for a long time.
• I have a garden I've just dug up and started planting.
• I have a fence that suddenly became a pile of rubble and needs to be replaced.
• I have knitting half done,
• a tapestry waiting to be finished,
• painting that needs to be done and
• a book to write (and one to edit).

And those are just the things I WANT to do.

But none of it grips me. None of it fires my imagination for longer than an hour or so. Even the garden doesn't hold me for longer than it takes to water it - that takes some planning and time in the middle of a drought, believe me.

It's like I'm stuck in limbo and have to float around in here for a while - until my mind changes gears and settles into the next phase of activity.

I hope it doesn't take too long. I have a very limited time before uni starts back again and I want to get some creative work done. I want to edit 18 chapters and write at least 3 more. (The editing is the hard bit. Anyone can write a book but it takes real skill to edit one so that it draws the reader into the story and keeps them there. That's the challenge - and what I want to master.)

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to do that in three weeks. It's achievable - if I can just focus on it. Perhaps I should just make myself do it and see how I go.

Now ... what was the story about?

Team Terrors Mark IV

She's back.

For one blissful moment, when she replied to an email within 24 hours, I thought things might have improved. I thought maybe, just maybe, doing the pilot study had helped her understand what the research was about and how to analyse interview transcripts.

Then last night she asked me how the participants could have got it so wrong. They've all given different answers to the same question!

She did the research on phenomenography and wrote an essay on the fact that the aim of that method of research is to identify variance and she still didn't understand that we were actually LOOKING for different answers from participants.

Her part of the final report is supposed to be analysing the transcripts and writing the essay to that effect. So far I've analysed the transcripts and sent her my three drafts, each one more detailed and on target than the last. She's supposed to do the same, then we compare them and work out where the 'right' spot is with them. I haven't seen her analysis. I have seen a 1500 word essay based on my first draft which was incomplete and, quite frankly, way off track.

I've had enough. I'm not prepared to wear a bad mark just because she doesn't get it. I'm sure she's trying - she just doesn't know what it's all about. Equally I'm not prepared for her to get a mark she hasn't earned. I'm keeping track of everything I do and everything she does and I'm going to apply for disparate marking based on contribution.

I've been getting cranky with her too and that's not a good thing. She's trying. I could explain it better, more thoroughly, but I'm already giving her more detailed explanations than I give my year 12 business class and they're only 16-17. She's a masters student and should be thinking like one.

I've learned something of myself in all this. I always thought I was accepting of other people - their personalities, efforts and abilities. And I am - as long as it doesn't threaten to drag my results down. I have limits. I guess it's a good thing to know.

Developing knowledge through a creative process

Developing knowledge

I’m not sure how much knowledge about cyberlearning I’ve gained through this process. The reading I’ve done is very similar to reading I’ve done in recent years through my role as a teacher trying to maintain currency in education. The reading has reinforced for me the necessity to incorporate ICTs into my teaching, indeed, adapt my teaching style for the changing technologies and societal expectations.

Working in the team allowed me to experience asynchronous learning with no face to face contact. I think that has been a valuable experience as it has highlighted some of the things I take for granted in my teaching – particularly the opportunities to use body language to assist in communication and negotiation. Even with that, two team members phoned me during the process to discuss in ‘live time’ various difficulties they were having with the project. These ranged from the focus our section (the Big6) was taking, the possibility that it might be difficult to connect it to the ESL section and the lack of communication from a couple of team members. I found that, even though I don’t like phones, these conversations clarified a number of things and made me feel connected to the team members in a way I hadn’t felt prior. It removed the sense of isolation I felt throughout most of the process.

The computer screen acted like a bridge between me and other team members, and, like a bridge was a barrier to the development of any meaningful relationship. I think this inhibited the development of the team and the project. I firmly believe that if we could have all met face to face even twice, the project would have resulted in a stronger, more cohesive product. Whether this would be the case with other teams or was peculiar to the personalities in this one, I don’t know.

The creative process

I really enjoy creating new things – any new things, from stories to picture frames, from knitting baby clothes to creating anything on a computer. This project was no different. I was a little frustrated by the limitations of the vehicle we were using – particularly my inability to create a hyperlink connected to a picture on the website – but the creation of a website and working in a dynamic team minimised my frustration. I needed a few more and firmer early decisions to be made at the beginning and felt rather panicky when nothing had been decided by the middle of the second week. It was one of the reasons I created the initial plan of the website – to try to get other people to make a definite decision so we could begin work.

I also had health problems for a couple of weeks of the project which meant I couldn’t contribute fully. This was also frustrating as I don’t like doing things unless I do them well.