Friday, September 11, 2009


I've just realised I still throw childish tantrums. Oh, I don't rant and rave or throw things or make noise at all. My tantrums manifest in more subtle and self-destructive ways.

I discovered this when I got my first assignment for the new course back - and found out I had a 4(pass+). I've spent the last few years getting MUCH better results than that and the 4 has totally thrown me. I expected better from the assignment and from myself.

Consequently, for the last ten days - since I picked up the assignment - I haven't done any study at all. I've been finding books I 'desparately have' to read and sitting in bed and reading every night. I'm not even reading the books I need to for uni. I've totally shut down. How self-destructive is that?

I've given myself until this afternoon to get over myself. Avoiding the issue isn't going to improve things. I've had an interview with the tutor about the marking of the assignment and I've identified what I need to do to do better next time. Now I have to get off my butt and do it. That's beginning this afternoon. By Monday I'll be ready to move on.

At least that's the theory ...