I've discovered I'm my own worst enemy. Yes, it should have been something I discovered earlier in my life but I'm an optimist at heart. Could things really be any worse?
The answer is - 'of course'.
I find I'm working on an assignment with a late-comer (someone who didn't have a partner and had no idea where to start with the assignment). What was I to do? Of course I said, 'yes, come and join me'. And without checking anything. So now after two fruitless weeks trying to contact my team member to arrange a meeting and find out what she's been doing I find the assignment (5000 words) is due the day after tomorrow and not a word has been written. (My section relies heavily on the basic research which is, you guessed it, her bit.)
Apparently she's been reading but I'm not sure what. I don't even know if she's aiming at the same level I am (or capable of it). I have a horror of getting a result way below what I'm used to. A high distinction is my norm - a distinction causes angst. Anything less brings out hives.
I've had to remind myself about fifty times over the last 24 hours that 'I'm an optimist and I work well under pressure'. My family says I'm beginning to sound like I belong with the Stepford wives.
That's what happens when I have to work hard at not losing my temper. There'd be no point - the girl's uncontactable most of the time and seems to ignore most of what I say anyway. With the lack of contact, I don't think she's even aware there is any tension. I hate to burst her bubble, but this kind of pressure I can do without.
I've put the word out - next time I start behaving compassionately, someone will have to hit me over the head with something.
And after having said all that, the optimist inside me pops her head up and says, 'Just give it another day or two. It'll work out.'